Your not here to see.

Tyler put a suit in this weekend and we remembered how you taught him about how to tuck in your shirt and make it look even. 

Jay got to ride in a subway and all I could think of is how important that would be to you to have him experience the things you did as a child. His eyes were wide with wonder and I thought about how that would make you feel good. 

Tyler remembered a story you told him about getting your shoes stolen on the Subway and he was sure to tell Jay the story about dad. 

We were guests at a wedding and the boys looked so handsome and I sat at a table with couples, by myself. Reminded of our wedding and how amazing it was and how deeply in love we were. I had to run to he bathroom to cry at one point, overwhelmed with emotion and not wanting anyone to see. 

We drove to NY, first long road trip without you. I was so proud of myself for being able to do it and the boys were wonderful, Tyler drove a lot and kept me company. You would have enjoyed this trip. 

I think of you in everything that I do. A wave of emotion hits me when I think about you being gone. I know your not here all the time, but when I think about what your missing, what your not here to see, it's devastating. Our lives are going on. Things we talked about are happening. Our boys are growing and changing. And your not here to see. 




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