Without you

You said you would always be there for me
You said we had forever together
We were supposed to grow old together
You said we had so much time 

Now I have to learn to be without you. 
I have to find my way without you
Live another day without you. 
How do I love without you? 

We said we would love, for better or worse.
But you never said the worse would be me without you 
You said you would be ok
but your eyes told me that you didn't have much time. 

Now I have to learn to be without you. 
I have to find my way without you
Live another day without you. 
How do I love without you? 

I've gotta figure it all out without you 
Carry it all without you 
Get through the dark without you
Keep my heart beating without you 

How do I do this....without you? 







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trauma, Triggers, and Tears.

Image
In "This Widow Life" of mine, I have met many other widows. We are all going through the same loss, but how our loss happened is not the same. Some lost their husband from a car accident, suicide, heart attack, cancer. I think that there are different traumas associated with the different losses. I am not saying that any of them are worse than the other. They are all horrible, and losing your spouse is trauma enough, no matter how it happens. We deal with our grief, and the waves of it. The ups and downs, the emotion, the tears. There is no book that says "This is what to do when you lose your husband" or "This is how to live after he is gone" We navigate This Widow Life as best we can. Jerry had liver and bile duct cancer. Stage 4....So his battle was swift and he died 8 weeks after diagnosis. Things happened so quickly in those few months especially the last 11 days. When he was admitted to the hospital on 2/9/17 I had no idea he would be gone by...
Read more

We didn't die too

Image
This past year has taught me a lot. I talk about it all the time. I am different, changed, not the same person I was before. Grief does that. It rips at your inner core, the bottom of your soul, and pulls all of who you are out of you, thrown into a blender and tossed in the air. Then you have to kind of stand there with a bucket and catch what is left of you hope that some things have stayed in tact.  When Jerry died, I felt so lost. when you lose your husband and you have kids, it deepens the sadness, and heartache, because not only are you grieving for yourself, you are grieving for them too. I look back and I know that some things I have done or said in the last year with my boys has not been the ideal way to do things when someone dies. But who said I have to do it a certain way? Everyone is different in how they feel, grieve, and grow. It is hard for me to talk to my boys about their grief. It literally feels like my insides are being ripped out when I have a conversati...
Read more

The beginning of the end..... Part 1 Diagnosis

This will be the first time I write down everything that had happened after 11/19/16. Since it will be long and hard for me to write I will put it in a few parts. Lets start with 11/18/16 - It was Friday morning and Jerry was laying in bed. I was up cleaning up around the room and he was complaining about pain in his side. The past few weeks, we both noticed he was more tired than usual, losing weight, and not being able to eat as much as normal. I had told him numerous time to see Dr. H, but he put it off. So this morning when he was complaining about the pain, I said "ok, thats it. time to see Dr H and asap" I called the office and expected to get a Monday appointment but instead they said they had an opening the next day on Saturday. I took the appointment and we didn't think too much about it the rest of the day. That evening we went to dinner with one of Jerrys best friends for his birthday. We had a fun dinner with a few colleagues of his, enjoyed trying some new...
Read more