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Showing posts from December, 2017

2017

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What can I say to 2017.... You brought me pain, sorrow, tears, loss,heartbreak, devastation, confusion, grief, anger, made me a widow. But also I had strength, resilience, hope, smiles, purpose, and fight.  This was the worst year of my life, but it has changed me. I can’t change losing Jerry. I can’t bring him back, and I miss him EVERY day. My heart aches for him. But I am not the same woman I was for the last 39 years. 2017 changed me. I am looking to the future, living and loving each day the the fullest. Becoming stronger and more independent than I ever thought I could be. My children have been through hell and back with me and we are going to have a year of positive things. Tyler turns 18, graduates HS and will start College, Jay will turn 10, I will turn 40. I will start a new career and find new self by not moving on, but moving forward. I never imagined being here at this point in my life. I never thought I would have to walk through this fire, but I am starting t

All by myself

Christmas is a week away. I have pretty much gotten all of the shopping done, my home is decorated beautifully, and I even hosted a party last weekend. I am going through this month on auto pilot. Trying not to think about last year, how hard this month was for us. The dates are looming ahead of me, reminding me of the scariest days of my life. Yet, I somehow have been able to pull off finishing my pre licensing course for real estate, shopped for christmas, and spend time with my friends and the boys...all by myself. But I have been doing this for a long time, I have not been giving myself credit for taking charge of my life. Jerry and I always said we were a team and we truly were. We always made decisions together. Making sure we checked with the other one before making a final decision on a lot of things. Obviously I am the only one left to do this now, he is not here for me to ask what he thinks about it. I made a lot of decisions in the first few months after Jerry died, mostly b