What you are missing....





What you are missing....


He’s 18 now and just as amazing as you would expect him to be. We raised an unbelievable kid who is now a man. He is respectful, kind, gentle, motivated, smart, and ready for his future. He doesn’t talk about it but I know everything he does is from an inspiration from you. He knows as much as I do how hard you worked and that hard work pays off. He watched you all those years and respected your work ethic. He knew you did what you love and he is chasing that dream. He’s a looks after his mom, just as I am sure you would have told him to. He misses you...bad. He doesn’t have to say it but I see that he does. You instilled unbelievable things in his young man and I know you would be so proud.



And now the 10 year old...your legacy, your namesake. The last time you saw him he was still 8. He is still my baby, still cuddling every chance he gets and telling me how much he loves me many times a day. Of course he is smart but he’s a secret genius. He still has to learn that his brain holds more knowledge than most 10yr olds and he is wiser than he knows. He loves facts, and answers. He corrects everything I say. He is loving soccer and excelling at it. He found a sport he loves and I know he misses you on the sidelines. He LOVES rap. This is new but it reminds me of you. I can tell it is more than that, he appreciates the beats the way you did. He misses your voice. He cries because he doesn’t want to forget what you sound like. I play videos for him and it brings him peace. He looks so much like you, walks like you, stands like you with his hands in his pockets. When he leaves for the bus stop in the morning sometimes I stand at the door and just watch him walk down the street because I see you. He sleeps like you, and makes the funny faces that you guys made together all the time.




Me....my heart still aches for you. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh, oh you had the best belly laugh. I miss your smile, your wit, sarcasm, jokes. Your genius always amazed me. You had so much knowledge to share and even if I didn’t always understand it, I respected it. I miss your touch, the way you would touch my cheek and not even have to say how much you loved me in that moment because I felt it. I am living, trying to create a life for the boys that you would have been proud of. I am letting them follow their dreams but making sure that they know who will be here if they fail. I am the head of the household, and making decisions is still hard to do without you. I am trying to open my heart up to the chance of opportunity, friendships...love.
There will never be a more true love than what we had. You completed me...and still do in your death. I promise to honor you, and not let anyone forget you. 



Your missing so much. I just hope that you are out there somewhere, able to see these things. Watch over us my love. 

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