The beginning of the end..... Part 1 Diagnosis

This will be the first time I write down everything that had happened after 11/19/16. Since it will be long and hard for me to write I will put it in a few parts.

Lets start with 11/18/16 - It was Friday morning and Jerry was laying in bed. I was up cleaning up around the room and he was complaining about pain in his side. The past few weeks, we both noticed he was more tired than usual, losing weight, and not being able to eat as much as normal. I had told him numerous time to see Dr. H, but he put it off. So this morning when he was complaining about the pain, I said "ok, thats it. time to see Dr H and asap" I called the office and expected to get a Monday appointment but instead they said they had an opening the next day on Saturday. I took the appointment and we didn't think too much about it the rest of the day.
That evening we went to dinner with one of Jerrys best friends for his birthday. We had a fun dinner with a few colleagues of his, enjoyed trying some new cuisine and some drinks. The next morning, Jerry was even more uncomfortable, so I was glad we had the Dr. appt. We took Jay with us (our youngest).
Jay and I sat in the waiting room together while Jerry went in. He came out a little later, and said that Dr. H said that his liver felt enlarged. He took some blood, and told him that he should get a scan done right away to see what was going on. Since it was a Saturday he told him that if he didn't want to wait for an appointment that he could go to the ER. I felt very uneasy waiting for an appointment, so I suggested that we bring Jay home and leave him with Tyler and head to the closest ER. Jerry agreed.

We went to the ER that was closest to our home. The one and only time we would be seen at a place that was not associated with UCLA. The wait time was long and Jerry was processed slowly. We were told that they would give him a ultrasound first. They asked him a lot of questions about his lifestyle and how much he drank etc. I started to feel like they were eluding to alcoholism which was the furthest thing from our minds. Jerry liked to have a drink a few nights a week. I didn't like this Dr that was talking to us. He came in and said that he had what looked like cysts on his liver and that they would need to move him to another area and get a CT scan to be sure. During this time is when Jerry told me that this was the first time he had been in a hospital for himself since he was 12. I cant imagine what was going through his mind.
During the CT scan I went to get something to eat, and when I came back he was done. The Dr. that I didn't like came back in. His face looked different, softened almost. Earlier he was acting as if Jerry was an alcoholic and not he looks as if he wanted to hug us. He said "Well, you have some work to do here" He then went on to tell us that the CT scan showed lesions on his liver and a mass and that he would need to talk to his primary care dr. and get set up with more test to determine what it was. His liver enzymes were elevated and there was concern. We were scared. I couldn't read Jerrys face. I asked him if he was ok and he said yes but I could tell he was freaking out. We drove home to the boys.

Not sure what to think, we just tried to wait until we could see Dr. H again. We ended up seeing him that Monday, to follow up on the ER visit. By this time, he had blood work results back as well as the info from the ER that was sent over. Dr H told us that Jerry had Hepatitis B and that if his mother had it, he could have had it his whole life and not known. The virus was active in his body. He also had what looked like lesions and a mass on his liver. His liver enzymes were elevated, he was short of breath because his liver was enlarged and that he needed to get a CT scan of his lungs asap because they saw something on the liver CT at the base of his lungs and they needed to see what that was. We were set up with a coordinator who would get the appointments scheduled. He needed a PET scan and to see an oncologist. All of this was being told to us as I sat there in a blur. I didn't know what to think. Could this be cancer? really? But Jerry is healthy! He never gets sick, he takes his vitamins daily, and we try and eat healthy. I started panicking in the room when Dr H left to get his coordinator. Jerry just hugged me and said, lets just take one step at a time and see. He was always making ME feel better. I have no idea what he was thinking at this time. We left the Dr with instructions for the next few tests and follow up appointments. I think Jerry was also prescribed some pain killers too.

We got in the car to leave and Jerry started crying. He was weeping....and scared. In the 15 years we had been together it was only a few times I had seen him cry or even seem vulnerable and scared. I just held him. I didn't know what else to do. When we got home he wanted to call his mom right away. He went out back and called her and told her what the Dr. said. She reassured him that he should just take one day at a time and see what they say. She told him she loved him and I think the conversation with her helped calm him. He felt close with this mom at this time because she had been through something similar with her liver 12 years prior. He asked her a lot of questions about her sickness that I think he never knew or asked before. It was all a waiting game.

On 11/23 we had our initial consult with Dr. Y the general oncologist. She also got a PetCT scheduled for later that day as well. Everything was happening so fast and it was the week of Thanksgiving. How were we supposed to concentrate on enjoying a holiday with all of this looming over us. The boys didn't know exactly what was going on. They knew dad was sick and we had to get a lot of tests. Tyler was left to watch Jay a lot, which I felt bad about but didn't really have a choice. We were back and forth from him getting tests done, and now they wanted a biopsy. Dr. Y our oncologist told him that these lesions and mass on his liver pointed to Hepatocellular Carcinoma. Which is a primary liver cancer. The PCT scan showed his entire liver light up. Everything was pointing to cancer and we were just in a fog.

My sister and my mom chipped in and ordered us a Thanksgiving dinner from Whole Foods, so that we could have a nice dinner with the boys, and I didn't have to stress about cooking. I could focus on us, and being together on that day. It was a beautiful gesture. I called my mom and my sister constantly seeking advice and just an ear to listen. I was so scared and I had no idea how to navigate this cancer world. After the Biopsy in the beginning of Dec. we just had to wait for the results. It was taking longer than normal because they said that they needed to refer to more doctors in the lab to be sure. During this time, Jerrys liver got more inflamed from being poked during the Biopsy and he developed fluid in his lungs. He was very short of breath. He couldn't lay flat, he was in pain, and could not take a deep breath. He started some pain killers. I would take care of him every day. I would try to get him to eat, and drink, I was constantly on the phone and the computer researching what this cancer could do to him. I wanted him to get the best care. But we still held out hope that it wasn't cancer. We didn't have the final result.
On or around 12/21. I know it was only a few days before Christmas we got the phone call. Dr Y called us and said that  the biopsy results were in. That it was confirmed that it was cancer and the biopsy was showing 2 possible types of cancer and that we needed to come discuss this and his options. I think he was in shock, or maybe he already knew that it was. I was heartbroken and I asked him of we could wait to tell the kids about it until after the new year. I specifically remember sitting on the couch next to him crying and saying "What is this is our last Christmas together" He said it wouldn't be......how could we have known that he was 8 weeks away from leaving this earth.