Thiswidowlife

Few people close to me know this. So I guess here it is for you all to hear.  When people die the ones they love tend to look for signs, when they think their loved one is there with them, or moments when they say they feel them. They say cardinals, butterflies, etc are signs that they are near. I have struggled with this after Jerry died. You see, I always believed that if someone that close to me died, that they would be able to send me signals or make sure I felt them there. But after he died...he was just gone. He was the urn that I clutched in my arms in a 6 hour plane right to NC. He was the smell of his clothes and cologne. He was in Jays eyes. But I didn’t “feel” him.  I have had lengthy conversations with my mother about how I don’t feel him. In a nutshell she has told me that if I want to feel him I will, or if I truly say it and look for him, he will be there. I told her that I am too skeptical and really felt like he is just gone and cannot give me sig...

Go ahead and cry These are the hardest times for me.  There have only been a few. You cry out for him, and I cry with you.  What am I supposed to say, When your squeezing the bear made from his shirt. I wipe your tears, wishing I could take away the hurt.  Your scared and you are lonely. Emotions that you shouldn’t have to feel.  Your only Nine years old and all of this is so real.  I wish I could turn back time, and change the past. I wish I could make it so this pain wouldn’t last. I will hold you baby, because I can’t tell you why, I love you my son, just go ahead and cry.