Thiswidowlife

I have always been a very nurturing person. I like to take care of the ones that I love, it brings me joy. Being the caregiver to your terminally ill husband is a whole different ball game. I pushed Jerry to see the Dr whenever he did, our entire relationship. It is like that with a lot of men. They think they are fine. Jerry was very rarely sick. In the 15 years that we were together he had a cold, and the Flu a few times, thats about it. From the moment Jerry went to the Dr. for the initial appointment I went into full swing caregiver mode. I HAD to help him, and make it better. My role was so unbelievably hard. Let me just tell you about the Patient Jerry.....He was a stubborn one for sure. He wanted to be in control of his medication, and of course in good ole Jerry fashion, found an app that would remind him when to take his medication and he could log it in the app. It had alarms for when to take the next rounds of medications. I think he liked to be in charge of something in ...

6/24/02 - 15 years ago today.....A day I will never forget. It was when I first laid eyes on the man I had been talking to for months on the phone and had fallen in love before I ever saw him face to face. We always said that this night was the night we knew we had something great. It was such a great love. We met on Match.com. We had been talking for months on the phone. I would go home on my lunch break and call him and then call him when I got home at night. He would make me laugh, sing to me in his off key voice, and tell me stories. We finally met in person in NYC on 6/24/02. We both said later on that we almost chickened out and didn't show up. I am glad we both did. I remember he was wearing cream Armani pants, he was trying to impress me. We would always joke about that night. How we had dinner and shared our first kiss, then went dancing all night. He was always my dance partner, tearing up the dance floor with me. I noticed on my facebook memories today that there wer...

This will be the first time I write down everything that had happened after 11/19/16. Since it will be long and hard for me to write I will put it in a few parts. Lets start with 11/18/16 - It was Friday morning and Jerry was laying in bed. I was up cleaning up around the room and he was complaining about pain in his side. The past few weeks, we both noticed he was more tired than usual, losing weight, and not being able to eat as much as normal. I had told him numerous time to see Dr. H, but he put it off. So this morning when he was complaining about the pain, I said "ok, thats it. time to see Dr H and asap" I called the office and expected to get a Monday appointment but instead they said they had an opening the next day on Saturday. I took the appointment and we didn't think too much about it the rest of the day. That evening we went to dinner with one of Jerrys best friends for his birthday. We had a fun dinner with a few colleagues of his, enjoyed trying some new...

So I am a widow. I am 38 years old. I lost the love of my life to cholangiocarcinoma cancer on February 20th 2017 at 7:20pm. Just 3 months and 1 day after a visit with our primary care physician for some stomach pain. Here I am, left here on earth to raise our boys. Some days I wake up and think....What the FUCK happened!!!! How did this happen! How did we get HERE! It does feel like I am going out of my mind sometimes. I don't know how to start a blog. He was the one that always helped me set anything up and make sure the inter webs didn't crash around anything we built. Thats what he did everyday. He had a nickname to someone who knew him well as "Superman" because he was always saving things. Sometimes when the boys ask me how to do something I almost say, "Go ask dad" he always knew how to fix things. He always made things right. So here I am. 4 months later. A lot has happened during this time. Thinking back to those first few days after he died i...